yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
