Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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