and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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