Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
