I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
