Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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