Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
