If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
