why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
