well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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