I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
