I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize