Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize