I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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