I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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