He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
