just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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