You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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