You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
