u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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