she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
