All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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