i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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