these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
