the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
