I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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