508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
