Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
