Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
