As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
