I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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