Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
