So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
