just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize