I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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