i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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