I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize