you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
