Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
