When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize