You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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