No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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