She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
