i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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