Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
