did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize