She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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