Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
