i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
