I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
