the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
