I just threw up on my dentist
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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