apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
