What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
