Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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