i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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