I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
