you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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