i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she looked like the before picture.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
