how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
