True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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