I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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