sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she looked like the before picture.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
