At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
