Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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