I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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