She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
