if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
