I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize