THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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