He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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