i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
