when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
this is an emotional support booty call
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
