Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
