end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
