I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
