Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
