How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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